Collection of inspirational one liners that are funny to read. These short one lines are from wisdom and life experiences and intended to inspire and make fun.
Tomorrow: The best labor saving device of today.
Everything you do you're gonna regret. But if you do nothing – you will not only regret but will also suffer.
An optimist believes that we live in the best world. A pessimist is afraid that it might be true.
Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again.
Your life doesn't get better by chance. It gets better by choice.
100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
The sun is going to go out in 4 billion years, and you sit there and act like everything is fine.
The light at the end of the tunnel – are the front lights of a train.
It's just a bad day, not a bad life.
It's not what man can create it's what man can become.
Whoever said nothing is impossible is a liar. I've been doing nothing for years.
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
We need to look at how the world really works, not just accept the way we are told it works.
I bet you I could stop gambling.
You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.
Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
I've only been wrong once, and that's when I thought I was wrong.
Everything always ends well. If not – it's probably not the end.
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
Whatever you do always give 100 %. Unless you are donating blood.
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.
I really lack the words to compliment myself today.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
If someone is spitting behind you, it means you're in front.
Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
The deeper the pit you're falling into, the more chance you have to learn how to fly.
The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don't have.
It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.
Don't be irreplaceable - if you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.
Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
I wanted to lose 10 pounds this year. Only 13 to go.
Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?
You're not sure – outrun and make sure.
Dont be afraid to stand for what you believe in, even if that means standing alone.
It doesn't matter how much you work, there will always be an asshole that works less but gets more.
If you don't like my opinion of you – improve yourself!
Don't be nervous if someone is driving ahead of you- the world is round, just think that you're driving first!
However lonely you feel, you're never alone. There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house. Goodnight.
Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
If you can't beat the record, you can beat up its owner.
Dream carefully, because dreams come true.
The road to success is always under construction.
If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling.
Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.
If you're going through Hell, keep going.
Why kill time when you can make it work for you?
How do construction workers party? they raise the roof.
If the fortune has turned her back on you, you can do whatever you want behind her back.
Whenever you get mad, just think of a t-rex trying to masturbate.
You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.
God gave us the brain to work out problems. However, we use it to create more problems.
Always identify who to blame in an emergency.
A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
A genius lives in every one of us. Each day more and more heavily…
We can't help everyone, but everyone can help someone.