Collection of sports one liner jokes that are cool and clean. These short one lines are on many sports including golf, running, soccer, cricket and more.

Funny sports one liners

 

Why didn't the dog want to play football? It was a boxer!

I know Jiu-Jitsu, Sambo, Judo, Aikido and lots of other scary words.

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.

Every day two million Americans play tennis and one million of them lose.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

Why did the referees stop the leper hockey game? There was a face-off in the corner.

Do you know karate? Cause your body's kickin!

Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.

What is a runner's favourite subject in school? Jog-raphy!

I've been running as fast as I can, but I still can't catch my breath.

Why is sex like a bridge game? You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.

If procrastionation was an Olympic sport, I'd compete in it later.

A sports expert is the guy who writes the best alibis for being wrong.

What does a hockey player and a magician have in common? Both do hat tricks!

Football gave me a traumatic brain injury and I was only watching.

I don't have a Fitbit. But I have a couple of fat bits.

If you win three games of Twister in a row you're automatically a yoga instructor.

I am known at the gym as the "before picture."

You're wrong! I touched second base. I missed third… but I touched second.

Why do volleyball player want to join the armed forces? For the chance to gain some experience in the service.

How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb? FORE!

Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student? Because education pays off in the long run!

What's the speed limit of sex? 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa stopped at 3 ho's.

Every day I spend a few hours on a running track. Next week I might even turn it on.

I really lack the words to compliment myself today.

Sports do not build character. They reveal it.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

Why can't Jesus play hockey? A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards.

What tea do hockey players drink? Penaltea!

He can't decide whether to have his visor half open or half closed.

What part of a football ground is never the same? The changing rooms.

I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.