Cool collection of stupid one liners jokes that reads really dumb. These jokes are focused on stupidity of people and situations and intended to be hilarious.

Stupid one liners

Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

Avoid arguments about the toilet seat...use the sink...

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

I know that there are people who don't love their fellow man – I hate those people.

I'm having an introvert party and you're all not invited.

Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege!

Accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator. I'm taking this shit to a whole new level.

Stop with the blind jokes ... I don´t see the point.

Were any famous men born on your birthday? "No, only little babies."

Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!

We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away.

He always finds himself lost in thought; it's unfamiliar territory.

Wise people think all they say, fools say all they think.

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.

I tried to hang myself with a bungee chord. I kept almost dying

Im not saying I'm number one, uh sorry I lied I'm number one two three four and five.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Girl, you got more legs than a bucket of chicken!

When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

We've heard that ignorance of maths is growing geometrically, whatever that means.

I get it ladies, I had abs before I had kids too.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Why did the snowman smile? Because the snowblower is coming.

What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A Space Invader.

How do you stop a fish from smelling? Cut its nose off.

Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

I went to a peanut factory last week. It was nuts!

Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West.

I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.

Whenever i have a headache,i take two asprins and keep away the children,like the bottle says

My voicemail message is just instructions on how to send a text message with brief pauses filled with heavy sighing.

You have to be flexible to work here. On many occasions, you'll be asked to bend over and grab your ankles.

I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.

I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.

I used to be in a band, we were called 'lost dog'. You probably saw our posters.

I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

Where does one apply to be a "kept man"?

You do realize makeup isn't going to fix your stupidity?

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

I'm selling a parachute – just as new, used only one time, didn't open once.

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? You can park in the handicap zone.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're invulnerable.

Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.

Dyslexic, you say? How do you spell that?

It's better to have business with a drunk professional than a sober idiot.

Stupidity is not a crime so you are free to go.

We must pay for the mistakes of our youth… at the drugstore.

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.

I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.

I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.

I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

We just got a fax. At work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.

Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep.

I am probably single....because i didnt forward those chain messages in 2008

‘Who the hell allowed me to be born in this stupid head?' a Thought said and killed herself…

My ex-girlfriend told me nothing shocks her anymore so I switched her digital scale from Lbs to Kg.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

What's the definition of "Tender Love?" Two gays with hemorrhoids.

I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything.

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!

Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I... can't see.

How does a farmer count cows? with a cow-calculator.

Why can't Jesus play hockey? A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards.

I downloaded the Pinterest app and now my phone is stuck in a mason jar.

Sit down, give your mind a rest - it obviously needs it.