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105 Rude One Liner Jokes That are Not So Cool

Are you in need of some rude lines to make fun of someone. Here is some of the best ones for you. Page has collection of hilarious rude one liner jokes which are sexist, racist, and full of attitudes.

If you like rude one lines, you may also find sarcastic one liners as a fun read!

Rude one liner jokes

We repeat the line “One liner a day, keeps a doctor away” just to re-emphasize the impact of funny and concise one liners. So check this list of rude funny lines and enjoy.

1: Why don´t women have men´s brains? Because they don’t have penises to put them in

2: My friend’s friend is my friend. My friend’s girlfriend is my friend. My friend’s boyfriend is just a scum.

3: Sit down, give your mind a rest – it obviously needs it.

4: Sorry I didn’t text you back, but my phone recognized your number.

5: You don’t like her? Drink more.

6: I hate two-faced people. It’s so hard to decide which face to slap first.

7: What has got two legs and bleeds? Half a dog!

8: How can you tell which is the head nurse? The one with the dirty knees.

9: Want to dance? Or should I go to hell again?

10: Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

11: What’s the difference between wife and a blue whale? About 10 pounds.

12: What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

13: Hi there, I’m a human being! What are you?

14: I’m already visualising the duct tape across your mouth.

15: Why wasn’t Jesus born in the USA? Because God couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.

16: I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

17: Why are black peoples nostrils so big? Because that’s what God held them by when he was painting them.

18: What travels at 200km’s a hour? A black man hearing a dollar drop to the ground.

19: Sugar – Honey – Iced – Tea … Guess what it means.

20: What do men and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.

21: Did you hear about the gay security guard who got fired from his job at the sperm bank? He got caught drinking on the job.

22: What would you call a woman who goes out with You? Desperate!

23: I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up your ass.

24: I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

25: How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.

26: War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.

27: How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It’s not hard.

28: How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

29: I’m multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

30: Why do midgets laugh while running through the yard? The grass tickles their nuts.

31: Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?

32: Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

33: Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

34: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.

35: Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever’s bugging you.

36: Why do doctors slap babies’ butts right after they’re born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.

37: Why did God make man before woman? You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

38: If I’d shot you sooner, I’d be out of jail by now.

39: She’s so fat, she’s got more chins than a Chinese phone book.

40: Why was Jesus a virgin when he died? Every time he touched a ‘wound’ it closed.

41: Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.

42: Stupidity comes in all shapes and sizes. Some of them even look like people.

43: Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.

44: Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

45: What’s the height of conceit? Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

46: What’s the difference between a blonde and a guy? The blonde has the higher sperm count.

47: What did God say when he saw the first black person? Ooops, I burnt one!

48: How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.

49: Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

50: What’s the most popular pick up line in a gay bar? Can I push your stool in?

51: What’s the definition of a male chauvinist pig? A man who hates every bone in a woman’s body, except his own.

52: What’s yellow and black and makes you laugh: A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.

53: What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common? You don’t look down.

54: What do they do with blacks after they die? Gut them and use them as wetsuits.

55: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant.

56: I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

57: If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

58: I don’t think you act stupid, I’m sure it’s the real thing.

59: I’m trying to get on your good side, but I haven’t found it yet.

60: What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a nigger? Someone who is too lazy to steal.

61: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother.

62: Actually, I don’t think you’re dyslexic; just really, really stupid.

63: Stop with the blind jokes … I don´t see the point.

64: My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely.

65: It’s better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

66: What do u call 1,000 black people on a plane back to Africa? A good start.

67: I’m not being rude, you’re just insignificant.

68: Crap. Something is wrong with my cell phone. {Oh Really. What is that?} Its just that…your numbers not in it.

69: I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception

70: Stop with the blind jokes … I don´t see the point.

71: Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

72: Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

73: Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all stupid people.

74: You don’t sweat much for a fat chick.

75: The three words most hated by men during sex? ‘Are you In?’ or ‘Is It In?’

76: I’m blonde. What’s your excuse?

77: He doesn’t know the meaning of fear… but then again, he doesn’t know the meaning of MOST words.

78: I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

79: What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest? Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.

80: You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

81: My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

82: You grow on people….so does cancer.

83: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs? Nice tits!

84: What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

85: You’re like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

86: Did something bad happen to you or are you just naturally ugly.

87: What’s the difference between love, true love and showing off? Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

88: I don’t think it’s rude to ask someone in an online dating site to send a picture posing with a copy of today’s newspaper.

89: I don’t think you are stupid. You just have a bad luck when thinking.

90: You’re IQ’s lower than your shoe size.

91: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse’s ass? A mechanic!

92: Why does a blond wear a tight skirt? To keep here legs closed.

93: Why do blacks smell? So blind people can hate them too.

94: How can you tell if a man is happy? Who Cares?

95: You’re like school in the summertime – no class.

96: A woman is like a well-served table at which a man looks one way before he eats and differently after he ate.

97: When we were together, you always said you’d die for me. Now that we’ve broke up, I think it’s time you kept your promise!

98: Canadians are more polite when they are being rude than Americans are when they are being friendly.

99: You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you’re doing your best.

100: Sometimes the first step to forgiveness, is realising the other person was born an idiot.

101: You’ve got two brain cells: one is in a wheelchair and the other one is pushing.

102: Do you know why beer goes through your system so fast? Because it does not have to stop to change color.

103: If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.

104: I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

105: What is the difference between a black and a bucket of shit? The bucket.

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