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40 One Liner Jokes about Alcohol and Alcoholics

Funny and practical alcohol one-liner jokes. Collection of best one-line jokes about alcohol and alcoholics.

Funny lines and jokes on alcohol and drug are special type of jokes. Because it involves people without complete sense. You may like reading our other similar collections.

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Funny one liners on alcohol

We repeat the line “One liner a day, keeps a doctor away” just to re-emphasize the impact of funny and concise one liners. So check this list of funny alcohol related lines and enjoy.

1: If you see me with a water bottle, there’s probably vodka in it

2: You can consider yourself lucky in life, if the cognac you drink is older than the woman that you’re sleeping with.

3: We never knew he was a drunk… until he showed up to work sober.

4: Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

5: What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks

6: I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, but I already have one.

7: Unfortunately, but sometimes a woman can’t find herself a man. She doesn’t like the drunken ones, and the sober ones doesn’t like her.

8: Why is there so much blood in my alcohol system?

9: The speed of light is when you take out a bottle of beer out of the fridge before the light comes on.

10: Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward.

11: All the problems fade before a hangover

12: There are a lot of female hormones in beer. When I drink five bottles I also can’t drive a car and start behaving illogically.

13: My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy… so I got drunk.

14: In principle, I can stop drinking, the thing is – I don’t have such a principle.

15: That one liner ‘i’m not drinking too much tonight’ never goes as planned…

16: Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer… I saw the video… we need to talk.

17: By the cup of Nescafé even the most secret thoughts turn into words, and by the bottle of vodka – into actions.

18: One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday – eight hours.

19: To a young housewife: remember that a small bottle of vodka not only will decorate the table but also will hide your cooking mistakes.

20: Don’t forget that alcohol helps to remove the stress, the bra, the panties and many other problems.

21: Heading out for drinks, bail money’s on top of the fridge.

22: I am not an alcoholic. I simply enjoy living in liquid medium.

23: He was in a pub when he proposed. It was very romantic – he got up on one knee.

24: No! for the last time stop asking if i am drunk. I am not drunk! Who would name their kid drunk?

25: Temples are free to enter but still empty. Pubs charge to enter, but are full. People ignore inner peace &choose to pay for self destruction

26: I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

27: I got drunk last night and my house wasn’t where I left it.

28: What’s the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.

29: I used to drink all brands of beer. Now, I am older Budweiser!

30: If you wet your feet your throat will reject. If you ‘wet’ your throat your feet will reject.

31: It’s better to have business with a drunk professional than a sober idiot.

32: Alcohol not only expands the blood vessels but also communications.

33: I know my limits: if I fell down it means enough.

34: Don’t drink while driving – you will spill the beer.

35: There are drunk bikers. There are old bikers. There are NO old, drunk bikers.

36: After the weekend the most difficult task is to remember names…

37: A person has to have a warm heart and a cold beer.

38: You won’t drink away the alcoholism.

39: Transitional age is when during a hot day you don’t know what you want – ice cream or beer.

40: It’s better to be a worldwide alcoholic, than an Alcoholic Anonymous.

Did you find alcohol one liners funny?

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