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Jesus Christ and Pope one liner jokes
We repeat the line “One liner a day, keeps a doctor away” just to re-emphasize the impact of funny and concise one liners. So check this list of Jesus Christ and pope funny lines and enjoy.
1: Don’t let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
2: Why did God create stock analysts? In order to make weather forecasters look good.
3: When you get to your wit’s end, You’ll find God lives there.
4: The difference between the Pope and your boss. The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
5: Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
6: The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails= 4 given.
7: We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.
8: Why are black peoples nostrils so big? Because that’s what God held them by when he was painting them.
9: Don’t put a question mark where God put a period.
10: Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
11: The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
12: Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he’ll starve to death while praying for a fish.
13: It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
14: Did Noah include termites on the ark?
15: What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
16: If a church wants a better pastor, It only needs to pray for the one it has.
17: Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
18: There’s good climate in heaven, but a better company in hell.
19: Why can’t Jesus play hockey? A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
20: Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
21: God grades on the cross, not the curve.
22: Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
23: Prayer: Don’t give God instructions — just report for duty!
24: Why wasn’t Jesus born in the USA? Because God couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
25: Which part of the Bible won’t you find a black man? The Book of Job.
26: Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.
27: If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
28: Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.
29: If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
30: In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma – but never let him be the period.
31: Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.
32: If Eve wore a fig leaf, what did Adam wear? A hole in it.
33: What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest? Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.
34: If we’re all God’s children, what’s so special about Jesus? This Guy is a goldmine.
35: Why was Jesus a virgin when he died? Every time he touched a ‘wound’ it closed.
36: I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.
37: What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? Their balls are just for decoration.
38: How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an alter boy.
39: Plan ahead – It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.
40: I have as much authority as the Pope, i just don’t have as many people who believe it.
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