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63 Funny One Liners on Children and Parents

easy kids trivia and kids what am I riddles as a good fun read.

Parents and Kids one liner jokes

We repeat the line “One liner a day, keeps a doctor away” just to re-emphasize the impact of funny and concise one liners. So check this list of parents & kids funny lines and enjoy.

1: Dating a single mother is like continuing from somebody else’s saved game.

2: Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

3: The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.

4: By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

5: A woman never wakes up her second baby just to see it smile.

6: When your kids are little you’re a superhero. When they’re teens you’re a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility.

7: Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

8: My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

9: Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot.

10: Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

11: My five-year-old: ‘I don’t want to be your daughter anymore. I QUIT!’ No two-week notice or anything. She’d better not expect a reference.

12: Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.

13: Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

14: If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

15: Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.

16: Kids, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I’m not listening.

17: Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

18: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

19: Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young.

20: Somewhere an elderly lady reads a book on how to use the internet, while a young boy googles ‘how to read a book’.

21: I like kids, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.

22: My wife’s not too smart. I told her, our kids were spoiled. She said, ‘All kids smell that way.’

23: My son asked me what it’s like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

24: Because of the disregard towards safety techniques people not only die but are also born.

25: Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.

26: If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

27: My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company…

28: Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

29: The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

30: I childproofed the house… but they still get in!

31: When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, ‘I’m very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through.’

32: Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

33: If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

34: Why doesn’t Santa have any kids? He only comes once a year.

35: How do people lose their kids at the mall? Seriously, any tips would be greatly appreciated.

36: It’s uncomfortable when the neighbor’s kids look like you.

37: I would give my dad what he really wants on Father’s Day, but I can’t afford to move out yet.

38: Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.

39: Would you send your son to a school run by someone who insisted on being called ‘Headmaster?’

40: Why did the student study in an airplane? He wanted a higher education!

41: Women should not have children after 35. Really … 35 children are enough.

42: What do electric trains and women’s breasts have in common? They were originally intended for children but it’s the men who play with them the most.

43: No! for the last time stop asking if i am drunk. I am not drunk! Who would name their kid drunk?

44: The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.

45: I think I’ll tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage.

46: I think I’ll tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage.

47: I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

48: A little boy asked his father, ‘Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?’ Father replied, ‘I don’t know son, I’m still paying.’

49: if a single teacher cant teach us all subjects,how is a student supposed to learn all the fucking subjects?

50: Did you hear about the child with AIDS? it never gets old. I own an abortion clinic called ‘Don’t Kid Yourself’

51: When I was a kid my mother stopped breast feeding me. I asked her why and she says ‘hey, I just wanna be friends.’

52: Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

53: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? ‘Are you sure it’s mine?’

54: One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, ‘Please send me a sister.’ Santa Clause wrote him back, ‘Ok, send me your mother.’

55: You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.

56: If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.

57: The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common ‘enemy’.

58: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? ‘Cause you’re fatter than they are.’

59: When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!

60: I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?

61: It is better to be on seventh heaven, rather than on the seventh month.

62: We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

63: Kids, don’t grow up… it’s a trap!

Did you find parents & kids one liners funny?

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