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Funny One Liner Jokes on Pet Animals that are So Cute

Collection of hilarious one liner quote about animals – funny one line jokes about dogs, cats, and other animals. From cats and dogs to strange Pygmy Goat and Capybara as pets, we all have fondness for some pet animals.

You can also check our animal trivia, to understand more on them.

Pet animal one liner jokes

We repeat the line “One liner a day, keeps a doctor away” just to re-emphasize the impact of funny and concise one liners. So check this list of funny pet animal lines and enjoy.

1: Squirrels – nature’s speed bumps.

2: Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine? He fell in love with a pincushion!

3: She wanted a puppy. But I didn’t want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.

4: Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, the chicken was somewhere between 8′ to 11′ tall.

5: Occasionally, a true friend gives his paw not his hand…

6: I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.

7: How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it!

8: Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep.

9: Scientists proved that cows don’t give us meat and milk. We just take it from them!

10: Why didn’t the dog want to play football? It was a boxer!

11: Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship’s kitchen.

12: Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.

13: Do fish get thirsty?

14: There are no limits to my perfection – a monkey was thinking while looking at a human.

15: Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy? It was Valenswine’s Day.

16: You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

17: ‘A pedigree bulldog missing. Founders – rest in peace.’

18: I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

19: Why did the duck go to rehab? Because he was a quack addict!

20: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

21: What dog can jump higher than a building? Anydog, buildings can’t jump!

22: I sometimes watch birds and wonder ‘If I could fly who would I shit on?’

23: Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.

24: Don’t feed the animals at the zoo! You should better feed the security guard!

25: A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.

26: Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? In a cat-alogue!

27: Everyone can find one person or three cats waiting for him.

28: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? ‘Put it on my bill.’

29: What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an ‘A’ bra.

30: Turtles think frogs are homeless.

31: Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

32: Do you know any bird that can write? Pen-guine.

33: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

34: I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

35: Did Noah include termites on the ark?

36: If I throw a stick, will you leave?

37: Ham and Eggs: A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

38: What has got two legs and bleeds? Half a dog!

39: What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.

40: Careful! Angry dog in the backyard! Please do not crush him.

41: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?

42: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? ‘I love you a ton!’

43: What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks

44: ‘Do you know if pigs have periods?’ ‘Are you kidding me? What idiot would keep a pig until she’s 14?’

45: Men are like frogs, the most important thing is to jump on faster.

46: The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.

47: What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.

48: What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine’s Day? Let me call you Tweet heart!

49: What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that tiny thing?

50: I find a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

51: The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

52: Why the chicken cross the road? To look for his cock.

53: Nowadays, most of the children dream about an IPhone, when I was a child – I wanted a dog.

54: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus ? He stole the show !

55: Where do you find a no-legged dog? Right where you left him.

56: Whoever coined the phrase ‘Quiet as a mouse’ has never stepped on one.

57: What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

58: She’s so wrinkled, her mother was a Shar Pei.

59: Never trust a dog to watch your food.

60: Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.

61: Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines. …

62: Which day do chickens hate the most? Friday

63: Who was the first to see a cow and think ‘I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?’

64: Doggies just call it style.

65: Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

66: Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? Penis envy.

67: Dear ladies, if you want to have more free time and have fun on the weekends, teach your men fishing!

68: Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

69: The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

70: What’s the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.

71: Who doesn’t eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.

72: What’s the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.

73: Why did the snowman call his dog Frost ? Because frost bites !

74: What did the egg say to the boiling water? It will take a minute for me to get hard I just got laid by a chick

75: What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull terrier? Lipstick!

76: The difference between true love and dinosaurs: We’re sure that dinosaurs once existed on this earth.

77: Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife’s yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he’s in, he shuts up!

78: Why don’t bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls.

79: What are the 2 reasons the girl broke up with her boyfriend? Because he was a cheetah and because he was lion too much to her.

80: How do you stop a fish from smelling? Cut its nose off.

81: There’s a pigeon walking up the driveway. I don’t care what he wants. I’m not answering the door.

82: I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

83: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

84: An ad at the zoo: ‘Don’t scare the ostriches! The floors are concrete!’

85: Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.

86: What’s got four legs and one arm? A Rottweiler.

87: Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he’ll starve to death while praying for a fish.

88: What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine’s Day? You’re purrr-fect for me!

89: If you are what you eat, then my dog is a calculator.

90: What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch? A bird that’s ugly but doesn’t give a hoot!

91: At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted?

92: What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

93: If a dog sniffs your ass, you’re probably a bitch.

94: Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young.

95: Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? Sure, they’re very scent-imental!

96: Why don’t the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?

97: If a giraffe had a sore throat, how many lozenges would it need to make it better?

98: If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

99: Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.

100: If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?

Did you find pet animal one liners funny?

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