Funniest one liner jokes about life & death that are not painful but just funny! Best collection of death one liners. We understand that many can’t relate death and humor, but there are exceptions.
Also our readers find making fun of retirement is similarly funny and a good read.
Death and funeral one liners
We repeat the line “One liner a day, keeps a doctor away” just to re-emphasize the impact of funny and concise one liners. So check this list of death funny lines and enjoy.
1: It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there’s shipping and handling, too.
2: Oxygen is proven to be a toxic gas. Anyone who inhales oxygen will normally dies within 80 years.
3: Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
4: You should always show up at your funeral.
5: If I die, I’m taking you with me!… oh, -you’re- dying? Forget I said anything.
6: A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic. – Joseph Stalin
7: The only certain thing in life is death.
8: What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
9: Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he’ll starve to death while praying for a fish.
10: How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
11: Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
12: Smoking is a slow death! But we’re not in a hurry
13: Death is hereditary.
14: Over half the world’s population die.
15: I have decided to live forever, or die in the attempt.
16: Death to all fanatics!
17: Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
18: It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It’s called living. (Terry Pratchett)
19: The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
20: Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
21: Always go to other people’s funerals; otherwise, they won’t come to yours.
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