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215 Mean and Vulgar Pickup Lines for Crazy Night

These mean and vulgar pickup lines come with a health warning and a risk of ruining your reputation, so don’t say we haven’t warned you 🙂

Brace yourself for some mean lines below. If you want more, check our creepy pickup lines!

Mean & Vulgar Pickup lines

Check these dirty, mean and vulgar pick up lines for yourself and they sure will work for you on the special day with that special one!

1: Are you from Iraq? ‘Cause I like the way you Baghdad ass up.

2: Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention.

3: There are plenty of fish in the sea, but you’re the only one I’d like to catch and mount back at my place.

4: My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?

5: I may not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you.

6: If you were an elevator, what button would I have to push to get you to go down?

7: I’m hung like a tic tac. Wanna freshen your breath?

8: Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let’s play gynecologist.

9: Do you smoke pot? Because weed be cute together

10: Do you come here often or wait till you get home?

11: Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?

12: Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.

13: Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? [No] Well then, allow me to introduce myself.

14: I wanna floss with your pubic hair.

15: Girl, do you need to get your protein macros up? Because I’d gladly put my meat inside you

16: I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

17: If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me come for dinner between the holidays?

18: That dress looks great on you…as a matter of fact, so would I.

19: So, come back to my place, and if you don’t like it I swear I’ll give you a full refund.

20: Miss, If you’ve lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?

21: Let’s have a party and invite your pants to come on down.

22: Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?

23: Hey baby, let’s play house, you can be the door and I’ll slam you all night long!

24: Hey baby, wanna play lion? You go kneel down right there and I’ll throw you my meat.

25: Is your name Osteoporosis? Because you’re giving me a serious bone condition

26: Hi, my name is “Milk.” I’ll do your body good.

27: I think I could fall madly in bed with you.

28: Let’s play carpenter. First we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.

29: Are you from Africa? Cause I wanna know Kenya suck this dick?

30: We’re like hot chocolate and marshmallows… You’re hot and I wanna be on top of you.

31: Wanna go on an ‘ate’ with me? I’ll give you the ‘D’ later.

32: You’re so hot, even my pants are falling for you!

33: Are you from the Philippines? Because I wanna phil you with my penis.

34: Do you like Ramen Noodles? Cuz I’ll be Rammin’ my noodle in you later.

35: Are you spaghetti cause I want you to meat my balls.

36: Do you like whales? Cause we can go hump back at my place.

37: Baby I last longer than a white crayon.

38: The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?

39: Do you like to draw? Cause I put the D in Raw.

40: We should play strip poker. You can strip, and I’ll poke you.

41: You remind me of the movie “Scarface” cause I want you to say hello to my little friend.

42: Do you like Adele? Cause I can tell you wanna be rolling in the D.

43: Let’s play Barbie. I’ll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.

44: I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?

45: Do you like cherries? [No.] “Ok, can I have yours?”

46: Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger? [No] Wink.

47: [Excuse me, do you have the time?] “Yes, do you have the energy?”

48: At the office copy machine “Reproducing eh?” “Can I help?”

49: Do you have a phone in your back pocket? Because your booty is calling me.

50: (Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.

51: Hi, wanna f**k? [No] Mind lying down while I do?

52: I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.

53: I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

54: Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna go down on you.

55: Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!

56: Don’t ever change. Just get naked.

57: Are those jeans Guess? Cause guess who wants to be inside them…

58: Do you like bacon? Wanna strip?

59: Hey there, I just took some Cialis and I have 18 hours left.

60: Are you the SAT? Cause I’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes, with a ten minute break in the middle for snacks.

61: I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?

62: Hold out two fingers and say: “Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?” (I don’t know.) “‘Cause they’re mine sweetheart.”

63: I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.

64: Judging by your hair, you seem like a girl who likes to do anal.

65: Are you the lottery lady on TV, because I’m picturing you holding up my balls.

66: Damn girl I’d love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. And the ones on your face.

67: I have a job for you, but it blows!

68: Do you have a shovel? Cause I’m diggin’ that ass!

69: Judging by your hair, you seem like a girl who likes to do anal.

70: The things I would do if I got a few roofies in you.

71: Damn, are you my new boss, because you just gave me a raise.

72: You’re so hot you could make a deceased man’s dick rise from the dead!

73: As long as I have a face, you’ll have a place to sit.

74: You must be yogurt because I want to spoon you.

75: Do you like tapes and CD’s? Cause I’m gonna tape this dick to your forehead so you CD’s nuts.

76: You’re so hot I could roast my meat on you, baby.

77: You must be Jelly, cause jam don’t shake like that.

78: I heard your ankles were having a party… want to invite your pants down?

79: Nice tits. Mind if I squeeze them?

80: Do you believe in karma? Because I know some good karma-sutra positions.

81: Wanna go bowling? I’ll give you a chance to pin me.

82: Oh, you’re a bird watcher. [Pull out your dong] Well, would you take this for a swallow?

83: Do you work for Papa Johns? Cause you’re a fine pizza ass.

84: Girl are you a witch? Cause you know how to make something stand without even touching it

85: Are you from China? Cause I’m China get in your pants.

86: Please tell your boobs to stop looking at my eyes

87: My name is Haywood. Haywood Jablome.

88: Since we’ve been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.

89: [Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say] “Now that I’ve broken the ice, will you sleep with me?”

90: The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to f**k you on the floor.

91: The word of the day is “legs.” Let’s go back to my place and spread the word.

92: We’re going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and f**k.

93: What can I do to make you sleep with me?

94: Let’s go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.

95: I wish you were a screen door, so I could slam you all day long!

96: Do you like yoga? Cause Yoganna love this dick.

97: Your place or mine? Tell you what? I’ll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.

98: I’d like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart.

99: Wanna play Pearl Harbor? I’ll lay on the ground and you blow the hell outta me!

100: If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?

101: My dick’s been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?

102: Your lips are kinda wrinkled. Mind if I press them?

103: I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy.

104: So, Is it safe to say I’m gonna score?

105: I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.

106: I’m like Domino’s Pizza. If I don’t come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.

107: Do you like my belt buckle? (any response is okay ) It would look better against your forehead!

108: Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you?

109: Are you gay? [No] Wow, me neither, let’s have sex.

110: If I washed my dick, would you suck it? [No] Oh, so you like to suck dirty dicks.

111: Nice f**king weather. Want to?

112: That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.

113: We’re out of bleach. Do you want to go in the janitor’s closet and make out?

114: There are 206 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?

115: Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?

116: Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.

117: What do you like for breakfast?

118: Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them?

119: Could I touch your belly button… from the inside?

120: Why don’t you come over here, sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up?

121: Why don’t you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?

122: You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.

123: Are those lumberjack pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood.

124: You remind me of a championship bass, I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you.

125: I’d remove all the chairs in the world, just so you have to sit on my face.

126: Hey baby there’s a party in my pants and you are invited!

127: I’m a burglar and I’m gonna smash your backdoor in.

128: Do you wanna do something that rhymes with ‘Truck’?

129: I have a rare disease that will kill me unless I have sex within the next 30 minutes.

130: Don’t let me die! I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.

131: Yeah, it’s big and if you pet it, it spits

132: Let us let only latex stand between our love.

133: Do you wanna see why my nickname is ‘tri-pod’?

134: Are you a virgin? [No] Prove it!

135: You bring a whole new meaning to the word, “edible.”

136: I don’t know what you think of me, but I hope it’s X-rated.

137: Want to play lion tamer? You could get on all fours and I’ll put my head in your mouth.

138: If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?

139: Do you like chicken? Sorry, I haven’t got any, how about a cock?

140: I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.

141: Are you from Ireland? ‘Cuz my dick’s-a-Dublin! [Look down at your crotch]

142: It’s not just going to suck itself.

143: I’m a writer, you’re a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poetry in motion?

144: [Hold up a screw] Wanna screw?

145: [What are you doing?] I’m taking off my shoes. [Why?] So I can take off my pants.

146: How about you be my story and I’ll be your climax!

147: Is your name Dora? Cause I’ll let you explore this dick.

148: I like your hair, your eyes, your smile… I like every bone in your body… Especially mine!

149: Do you sleep on your stomach? [No] Can I?

150: Lets play “Titanic.” When I say “Iceburg!” you do down.

151: Do you believe guys think with their dick? (Yeah.) Well, in that case, will you blow my mind?

152: Smile. It is the second best thing you can do with your lips.

153: Don’t you think most people who use pick-up lines are dipsticks? (Yes.) In that case, mind if I check your oil level?

154: Your shirt has to go, but you can stay.

155: Would you like to actively engage in mock procreation?

156: I’m easy. Are you?

157: Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.

158: Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut?

159: This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have sex.

160: I WANT SEX! Sorry, the doctor said that would help…

161: Hey baby, what’s your sign? Caution? Slippery when wet? Dangerous curves ahead? Yield?

162: Do you believe in free love? [No] Then how much do you cost?

163: Hey baby, I’ll f**k you so well, the NEIGHBORS will be having a cigarette when we’re done.

164: Want to make a porno? We don’t have to tape it.

165: Let’s not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let’s get to it.

166: Gee, that’s a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

167: I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, but who’s to say it’s wrong if we sleep together?

168: Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac’s in your bra?

169: You’re the type of girl I’d let sit on my face for a long period of time.

170: Before I hit on you, do you have a problem with large genitalia?

171: I could’ve called heaven and asked for an angel, but I was hoping you’re a slut instead.

172: I just popped a Viagra. So, we’ve got about 30 minutes to get back to your place.

173: I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let’s just f**k.

174: You have a beautiful voice. I bet it would sound even better muffled by my penis.

175: If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart.

176: Call me leaves, cause you should be blowing me.

177: Wasn’t I supposed to eat you somewhere?

178: You can’t be my first, but you could be my next.

179: You know, if I were you, I’d have sex with me.

180: Sit on my face and let me get to ‘Nose’ you better

181: Are you flappy bird? Cause I could tap you all night.

182: I hope to God you can’t sing because I just wanna f**k you.

183: That’s a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?

184: Hi, I’m gay. Do you think you can convert me?

185: I’m the finger down your spine when all the lights go out.

186: Sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.

187: Life is short. Let’s f**k and see if there is anything after that. Let me eat you for an hour. If you don’t want to have sex after that, we won’t.

188: [Walk into her chest] “If they weren’t sooo large, it wouldn’t have happened!”

189: If the sun were to stop shining, I’d be your source of vitamin D.

190: How much will $20 get me?

191: Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at pick up lines… nice tits.

192: Want to spend the night at my house tonight? The couch may not pull out, but I do.

193: So, come back to my place, and if you don’t like it I swear I’ll give you a full refund.

194: What are you doing tonight? Besides me, of course?

195: Will you be my girlfrien? I left out the ‘d’ cause you’ll get that later!

196: My name is Skittles… wanna taste my rainbow?

197: Can I see your blueprints? I wanna lay some pipe in you and need to know that you’re structurally sound enough to do so.

198: Are those pants on sale? Cause they’re 100% off at my place!

199: Can I punch you in the face… with my lips?

200: My mattress is a little hard. Would you like to help me break it in?

201: I’m with the TSA and I need to perform a full body cavity search, for security reasons.

202: Can I be the wiener in your hotdog?

203: I only have 12 hours to live… please don’t let me die a virgin.

204: Do you like long cocks on the beach?

205: I’d crawl over a thousand miles of broken glass just to suck the dick of the last guy you slept with.

206: Hey baby, I’ve got a back seat with your name on it.

207: I wanna paint you green and spank you like a disobedient avocado.

208: I’m on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?

209: I have the entire dictionary written on my dick.

210: Want me to put some words in your mouth??

211: You should join the circus so you can learn to juggle my balls all day.

212: Now that Trump is president, our country surely is screwed… and you can be too!

213: Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?

214: My name is pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

215: If You Were A Dodge truck, I’d Ram You.

Did you find vulgar pick up lines funny?

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